An Innocent but Brazilliantly Sexist Country

So I just moved into a new house. It's close to the beach (unlike where I lived for the past five months), it's way cheaper and it's temporary. It's an interesting situation to say in the least--my room is super tiny, windowless and two of the walls are painted a dark, room-shrinking shade of purple; my first two showers were spent dodging the loogies sliding around the shower floor and the water ran out during my third so I stood under the few little drips coming out and tried to make good use of them; last but not least, I somehow accidentally moved into a house of a bunch of dudes again. There are two old women (I wanna say 60's) living here and at least 10 dudes, all around my age, but I think there are even more than that.
Anyway, new friends! One's a Spanish-speaker, one runs, one does Jiu Jitsu, one that talks politics/sociology/psychology with me and one likes bachata! Lots in common as well as lots of differences to learn from so it's obviously a lot of fun!

The guy that runs and I were talking and decided we should go together one day.

"But do you run in the sand?" I asked.
"Yeah, but you can do it," he said, condescendingly. "Just little by little and you'll get better each time."
"No..." (I refrained here from calling him a jackass.) "I'm asking because I have to run in the sand. Otherwise I get shin splints." (Eye roll-y emoticon)

A day later, we went! For me, it's always more fun to work out with someone and we chatted the whole time. It was really nice....minus the backhanded compliments:

"Wow, you're a great runner" in a way-too-shocked voice and then the big kicker at the end of the run: "You run really well...especially for a girl."

I then explained to him that I run a lot faster than some men and women and a lot slower than others...and that it doesn't have anything to do with gender. It has to do with people's hobbies, how hard they like to work, how much they like to run, what they eat, etc...

The next day after I got home from a run, the Jiu Jitsu guy said (also in an annoying surprised voice), "Oh, you work out?" Then he proceeded to "mansplain" to me that it's important to eat right if I'm going to be working out. I should eat healthy foods and try to have a meal every three hours. He later offered me a caffeine pill because he said that's what "we (he was not including me in that 'we') athletes" do. Again, I refrained from saying anything like "Bitch, I've been an athlete since I was five years old" and, instead, just told him that I was already aware of the healthy food and working out situation and that he, in fact, shouldn't be taking pills because they're not good for your damn health...which, in my opinion (which most definitely differs from many people's in Rio) is more important than the size of your biceps or perfection of your abs.

Of course, when in the middle of a conversation with someone I disagree with, I see it as my job to try to see it from his perspective as well--to try to understand where he's coming from and appreciate how he got to his current mindset--even if I don't agree with it--instead of getting angry or offended and reacting accordingly.

It's difficult, if not impossible, to think really think outside of one's culture and experiences, is it not? Well, these guys are from Brazil. Politicians, previous generations, the media...here in Brazil, they all say that women are not as athletic as men. Women are not as strong as men, as good as men, as smart as men...unfortunately, the list goes on. I know my country has not yet moved beyond these issues either and that the world as a whole is still working on them but some places definitely seem ahead of others. Brazil probably doesn't seem sexist at all compared to Saudi Arabia but it does compared to the U.S. and even more so compared to Sweden, for example. The point is: your culture dictates the information you absorb. If all you've heard and seen your entire life is that something is a fact, you'll most likely believe it, even if it's just subconsciously. It's almost impossible not to.

*******

Let me flashback to a conversation I had recently. A guy from my Jiu Jitsu class had posted this meme on facebook:

Translation: "If sexism isn't good..."
"Why would feminism be?"
"To a world with less 'isms'"

I decided to go ahead and answer that question for him because it appeared that he really didn't know the answer to that question. Well feminism is a movement for the equality of the two groups of people. Sexism is the oppression of one group of people. One of those is something we consider good in this here 2016 and the other is not.

I was later telling another Brazilian man about the above facebook exchange (as well as how much it had pissed me off when I did the Bravus Race--same ideas as the Tough Mudder--here recently and they had separate and lighter weights/etc...for the girls) and it led to a discussion about feminism. He told me that feminists subscribe to feminism only in cases when it benefits them. For example, they want equal pay but they still want a man to give up his seat on the subway or pay for her dinner or something. But I explained to him that none of my friends here feel that way. We want equality for both genders because we're all people. Of course we all deserve the same pay for the same work. Of course we can all pay for our share of whatever we're buying. Of course I can sit sometimes and stand others and so can everyone else. Well, shockingly to me, he told me I was the first person who had ever said that. (He also mentioned that some feminists hate men and try to sabotage them...but this is only as good as the argument or that, because some people abuse social programs, most people probably do or that, because some sea creatures are sea horses, that most sea creatures probably are....so that argument isn't valid to me and I'm gonna leave it at that.)

But then it occurred to me that I was the only foreign feminist he'd ever met. The rest of the feminists he knows are Brazilian and they've grown up in this culture as well, being fed the same crappy information as the men. Of course we have books, the internet and everything else for people to hear about the ideas in other countries and try to imitate the positive ones...but it's not the same as living and breathing it every day.

*******

This realization made me think back to a night during Carnaval when my friend Emilie and I were especially pissed about the behavior of some of the men. Two girls were sitting on a bench on the sidewalk next to us and I turned to them and asked them how the hell they lived in this sexist-ass culture without their heads exploding.

They pointed to a guy and a girl who were talking nearby and said there had been 3 girls "competing" to be with him that night and that "he wasn't even that good looking" but that this girl who was with him now was going to win. They'd sleep together that night and that would be that.

When I'd asked them what they thought about their sexist society, they answered that they "haaaated it but that the girls here just accept it". Not the two of them, though.

After we finished talking, they went to say goodbye to the "couple" and the guy slapped one of the girls on the ass. What did she do? Laugh. Accept. Not give two shits, despite what she'd just said to us.

*******

Going back to the conversation my friend and I were having about feminism, I realized that even the feminist movement in this country is completely limited by the cultural bubble it's in. (Women here often want the lighter weights in the Bravus Race, etc... because they believe that that's all they can do. That's all they've been taught that they can do. It must be similar to the psychology behind "learned helplessness" in poorer communities or the shitty self-esteem of someone who has been emotionally abused for years.) This must be why change is so damn slow. The process of rising above the culture a person lives has to almost always be extremely slow and done with the tiniest of increments.

*******

To take this back to the beginning then, with these two guys that I'm living with for now:
I can't blame people for learning what they've been taught. What the hell else could I expect? That's how it works. But I can point out different perspectives to people so that we can all think together about what the best course of action for each of us really is. And I can choose to make an effort to understand where other people are coming from, even if I don't agree, instead of getting offended or assuming the person is less something than me, just because he thinks differently.

Yay learning! Yay interesting conversations! Yay for everyone truly making the effort to try to understand each other despite their differences! And yay for making tons of new friends in my crazy, new house!

Why I Chose Not to Participate in this year's Carnaval

First, I participated in it last year so it can no longer be argued as obligatory for me as a tourist. Memories of last year's Carnaval involve some very good parts--making new friends, listening to new music, spending some time exploring, seeing some hilarious and creative costumes and getting to experience one of the most famous parties worldwide. However, there was also plenty to dislike--the drama involved with following a 20-year-old and her friends around, not getting enough sleep mixed with getting borderline too much sun, temperatures much higher than the average Ohioan is used to, an insane amount of walking, crowds so big that most of the time spent at a bloco (which is what they call the individual parades/parties taking place in the street...there are hundreds during the the month) meant shuffling to get through people and not lose friends, a cell phone being stolen despite how careful everyone was, the downtown smelling like piss the entire week (a consequence of the lack of decent public restrooms), expensive prices for everything, people getting hammered as early as 7:30 a.m. every day, guys grabbing you as you try to walk by because they think they have the right to make out with whoever the hell they want, whenever they want....and the list goes on.

Though it was cool to experience it once, after that rant I probably don't need to explain any further why I didn't feel the need to do it again this year...but I will. As it got closer, prices for everything soared and the temperature climbed higher and higher. Stores started popping up everywhere, selling flower crowns, fairy wings, stick-on "tattoos,"  fake eyelashes and every other ridiculous thing you can think of. Men, women and children alike started buying all of the above in preparation, while 2,500 homeless people sat on the streets, without enough money to even buy themselves food, and watched.

As the time came closer, we started to discuss Carnaval in our Portuguese class and, boy, were those some interesting discussions. At first, I was feeling a little bit guilty about not really wanting to participate in Carnaval because everyone else (locals and foreigners alike) seemed so excited. However, the more I actually learned about Carnaval, the more conscious my decision to not participate became.

In the end, I sort of decided that Carnaval is to Brazil as Trump is to the U.S. in that, not only does it seem to embody all of the country's worst qualities, but it throws them in your face. The worst qualities presented to us by Carnival? As follows...

Racism: Most Brazilians don't actually pay attention to the actually history behind the festival, but it began with black slaves being forced to dress up in costumes and perform and parade in order to entertain white people. Disgusting. To this day, racism is alive "and well" in Brazil as a whole and is, unfortunately, still a part of today's Carnaval. Here's an example: https://www.facebook.com/theguardian/videos/10153931773996323/ but there's much more to it. It's just as loaded of a topic as racism in the U.S.

Sexism: If you watched the video from the link I've posted just above, you saw that women are allowed to be shown on television, dancing completely naked and only having those small strips of paint on them. Yet people complain about women breastfeeding in public or when women with  less-than-"perfect" bodies wear less clothes than they would like.
Women are over-sexualized in this culture and, especially during Carnaval, guys think it's their right to literally grab any girl walking by without her permission and that he should have the right to make out with her if he wants. There's a lot of kissing (and more) going on and both genders are participating. The difference though is that a guy can walk through these crowds without having problems (for the most part at least) and, as a girl, you often can't. You feel like a fish trying to swim through a sea of piranhas. You have to walk through as fast as you can and try to get away, despite people physically pulling you in different directions and trying to shove their tongues down your throat. (Disclaimer: some blocos are definitely worse than others and I am told that many are not like this at all.)

Corruption: Watching Scam City in our class started a discussion on where all the money comes from that pays for the sambódromo, the big contest between all the samba schools. Overall, it seems to boil down to a scam for big-time illegal gamblers to launder money and the "competition" is won by whichever school's sponsor paid the most money.

Ignorance: Further discussion of Carnaval left me with the impression that the government provides this giant holiday as a sort of distraction from the real issues going on in the country and the people fully buy into it. A friend of my friend's actually told me when I said I didn't like blocos that they're "good to distract the mind." But I prefer to be paying attention to what's going on and to look at the honest reality of shit because that's the only way to bring about any type of change.

Superficiality: Plastic surgery, needing to have the perfect body, needing to look better than everyone else... People spend their entire year getting their bodies ready for Carnaval. To me, it seems like it's all taken a bit too far and it, therefore, overflows into other areas of life. It reminds me of all the superficiality in Korea. It goes way beyond the basic requirements of caring about yourself enough to look clean and somewhat put-together. Korea is the plastic surgery capital of Asia and Brazil is for Latin America. Bosses in Korea cared if the students looked like they were learning (for the sake of the parents who could watch the classes live from the lobby) but didn't actually care if the kids were learning. When acquaintances in Rio invite me to a club or bar, they always include the phrase "there are only beautiful people there" as if that will affect how fun the party is or entice me to go (disclaimer: I don't go out with people who say shit like, though I know they mean well). Both countries build things insanely fast but then Rio's bike path just collapsed and an auditorium in Korea collapsed, killing 10 students, while I lived there (and don't think those accidents were complete flukes...these kinds of things tend to happen in both countries). To be honest, even some of the friendships I've seen here sometimes strike me as completely fake.

The Frat Party-ness of it all: It's one giant loud, drunken, dirty frat party every day, including fights and litter all over the ground, and an eventual stench of piss eventually takes over each of the main streets of the city. Depending who you're with, there's drama. Lots of guys grab your arm as you try to walk by and some people steal.

Alright....disclaimer for real now:
Carnaval CAN definitely be fun, depending on the bloco and who you're with. Sometimes they have great music, creative costumes and a friendlier atmosphere, and I understand that. Still, after last year's exhausting shenanigans, I was not in the mood to participate this year and, the more I learned about what was really going on behind the fun party look of it all, the more I started to feel that I didn't want to participate for moral reasons either.

I've been accused of being too critical plenty of times before (both about my country and about every country I've lived in) and this may be true but I don't see it as a bad thing. I can love every country and still want to improve each one.